Earlier this month, I did my final show for Into the Woods. I played the Baker’s Wife. It was my first lead role in a musical, and it was a wonderful experience. Not only do I love the cast I got to work with, but I also love this show. The messages in this show are so deep and profound and meaningful. I want to share with you one message from this show that has been lingering in my mind this week.
“Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see and learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say, ‘listen to me’.
Children will listen.”
You may or may not be a parent and have children at home, but regardless of that, your words and actions influence children (and adults for that matter) around you.
One example comes to mind. At my church, people from the congregation are often contacted, either in person or on the phone, by the church leaders to give a talk or speech in the main meeting on Sunday. As a child hearing these people talk, nearly every person who got up to the pulpit would mention something like this:
“I really tried to avoid Brother So and So, but he cornered me so here I am.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone when the Bishop called.”
“I’d like to say I’m grateful to be here speaking to you today, but I’m not.”
“I don’t know why they asked me to be here. I should have called in sick.”
Thoughts like these may have been authentic, and may have even gotten a laugh from the audience. But, as a child, when I heard comments like this, they translated to:
“You should avoid phone calls from leadership”
“You shouldn’t want to speak in church”
“It’s not cool to like being in front of people”
etc…
I accept that these were my perceptions, and I take personal responsibility for that.
But, because of these perceptions, even though I absolutely love being in front of people, I stopped showing it. I’d pretend to be annoyed when I got asked to speak or teach in church or school, because that’s how all the adults acted. I thought I was supposed to feel that way.
It’s funny now, looking back, because it’s ridiculous. But children don’t know that. Children are building their world based on observations and words spoken from those around them.
Children will listen.
This is a hard line to draw, because authenticity is very important. If you are a person who truly struggles with being in front of people, I can understand possibly making mention of how terrified you are, or how hard it is for you to be in front of the audience. We can support each other. I also believe that we should feel safe to express how we are feeling.
But, sometimes kids don’t understand jokes or sarcasm. The jokes about avoiding someone who might ask you to do something important can be misread.
Maybe this example is far-fetched and a little too personal. But how many of you parents have experienced a moment where you hear your kid saying a curse word or a phrase that’s crude? Maybe the child picked it up from parents, TV, school, etc… But she was listening. She is forming her world based on the conversations and context happening around her.
Children will listen.
This is why I feel so strongly about positive self-talk. Do the kids around you hear you saying things like:
“I’m so fat. No more cookies for me.”
or
“I can’t keep up with everything. It’s never good enough.”
or
“Why doesn’t anything work out for us? We just can’t catch a break!”
How great would it be if our kids heard us saying things like,
“I’m getting stronger every day! I’m really thrilled that I beat my best time for holding a plank!”
or
“I really got a lot accomplished today. I feel great.”
or even
“Today certainly didn’t go as planned, but I’m happy I got to spend it with you.”
Children will listen.
My challenge to you (and one for myself) is to be more conscious of the words we are speaking (take it a step further to the words we are thinking!). They impact not only children, but they impact US. We are, after all, children at heart.
Being conscious of what we say will make a positive influence in our lives and in the lives of those sweet children too.
“Careful the things you say,
Children will listen.
Careful the things you do,
Children will see and learn.
Children may not obey,
But children will listen.
Children will look to you
For which way to turn,
To learn what to be.
Careful before you say, ‘listen to me’.
Children will listen.”
Don’t forget how amazing you are.
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